Rules of Life as Applied to Creepers

Greetings. Soul 2 here.

I shouldst like to address this post to a certain "Joe." Joe, thou art a creeper.

Why art thou a creeper? Let me count the ways...

1. Thou art not a creeper when thou approachest a lady to compliment her on her dress. But thou art a creeper when thou goest too far in these compliments.
   
2. Thou art a creeper when thine eyes art not properly focused. Maketh thou no creepy eye contact, but even creepy eye contact is preferable to staring ...elsewhere.
3. Thou art a creeper when thy pants art approximately 18 inches below their proper position. For the love, just pulleth up thy pants!!
4. Thou art a creeper when thou sitteth down amongst the company of ladies thou hast never met before.
5. Thou art a creeper when thou attemptest to connect with said ladies. Especially when thy chosen avenue of connection involveth accusation of dropping out of high school.
6. Thou art a creeper when thou repeatedly askest personal questions about said ladies' lives.
7. Thou art a creeper when thou comest to Rita's and dost not get anything to eat. Especially when thou obviously camest for the express purpose of harassing aforesaid ladies.
8. Thou art a creeper when thou hast expectations for ladies to shake thy hand and answer all thy creepy questions.
9. Thou art a creeper because I sayeth it. Dude, getteth thyself a life.
10. Thou art a creeper if thou dost not make lists of ten.

Joe, thou art banished. Butterless popcorn and biscotti will not redeem thee in mine eyes.

~Soul 2