Rules of Life as Applied to Creepers

Greetings. Soul 2 here.

I shouldst like to address this post to a certain "Joe." Joe, thou art a creeper.

Why art thou a creeper? Let me count the ways...

1. Thou art not a creeper when thou approachest a lady to compliment her on her dress. But thou art a creeper when thou goest too far in these compliments.
   
2. Thou art a creeper when thine eyes art not properly focused. Maketh thou no creepy eye contact, but even creepy eye contact is preferable to staring ...elsewhere.
3. Thou art a creeper when thy pants art approximately 18 inches below their proper position. For the love, just pulleth up thy pants!!
4. Thou art a creeper when thou sitteth down amongst the company of ladies thou hast never met before.
5. Thou art a creeper when thou attemptest to connect with said ladies. Especially when thy chosen avenue of connection involveth accusation of dropping out of high school.
6. Thou art a creeper when thou repeatedly askest personal questions about said ladies' lives.
7. Thou art a creeper when thou comest to Rita's and dost not get anything to eat. Especially when thou obviously camest for the express purpose of harassing aforesaid ladies.
8. Thou art a creeper when thou hast expectations for ladies to shake thy hand and answer all thy creepy questions.
9. Thou art a creeper because I sayeth it. Dude, getteth thyself a life.
10. Thou art a creeper if thou dost not make lists of ten.

Joe, thou art banished. Butterless popcorn and biscotti will not redeem thee in mine eyes.

~Soul 2

The Initiation of the Cerebrations

Greetings, O mortal one.

I shall not say welcome, because quite frankly thou art not welcome here. 'Tis only by our good graces that thou hast been blessed with access to this sacred page.

Know that mine eyes and the eyes of mine sister souls shall be keeping a strict and stringent watch over thy mortal activities.

If thou wishest to apply to our divine goodwill, thou must observe our divine ceremonies. In order not to confound thee, I shall keep my instruction simple for now:

The Ten Commandments of the Quad-Souled Goddess

I. Thou shalt not refer to us as "goddesses." We are singular.
II. Thou shalt not confuse souls 1, 2, 3, and 4; on pain of banishment.
III. Thou shalt respect the banishment, 4realz.
IV. Thou shalt make periodic offerings of butterless popcorn and/or biscotti.
V. Thou shalt observe our birthday faithfully.
VI. Thou shalt remember that we are turning 29 this year. And we don't care that we were born in 0 AD. We are turning 29.
VII. Thou shalt not pronounce, write, type, or otherwise communicate the full name of our sacredest holy object, the MRWP.
VIII. Thou shalt love the sacred animal (that being the golden retriever).
IX. Thou shalt shun the evil animal (that being Soul 2's feline creature).
X. Thou shalt always make lists of 10.

Also, thou shalt hearken to me, Soul 1, for further instruction on proper ceremonial behavior and rituals. They shall be coming forthwith.


~ Soul 1